What is Somatic EMDR?

Somatic EMDR, is a new therapeutic approach that combines two powerful therapy modalities:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which helps people reprocess traumatic memories and resolve traumatization by stimulating bilateral brain activity (like side-to-side eye movements, tapping, or sounds).

• Somatic Therapy, which focuses on the body's felt sense — meaning the sensations, tension, movements, and energy in the body — to help release trauma that's "stored" physically, not just cognitively.

When you combine them, Somatic EMDR helps a client not just think about a traumatic memory but feel and reprocess the body responses to it.

So how it looks in practice?

• Before diving into heavy memories, a therapist might help the client build somatic resources (like grounding, noticing safety cues, or orienting in the present moment).

• During reprocessing, instead of focusing solely on the memory, the client might track what's happening inside their body — for example, a tightness in the chest, a sense of heat, or a trembling.

• The therapist may use bilateral stimulation while gently guiding the client to stay present with body sensations, allowing trauma energy stuck in the body to move and resolve.

Why it's important?
Trauma often bypasses words. The body holds reactions even when the mind "forgets."
Somatic EMDR brings healing to both mind and body.

How is somatic emdr different from traditional emdr?

Traditional EMDR Somatic EMDR

Main Focus: Primarily on cognitive memories: Focuses on both the cognitive memories and the

thoughts, images, beliefs, emotions linked body’s sensations and movements during to the trauma. processing.

Processing Style: Targets memories by Actively tracks what the body feels and does

activating them and using bilateral (tightness, shaking, numbness)

stimulation (like eye movements) to alongside memory processing.

process distress.

Client Awareness: Mostly asked about Client is also encouraged to notice

the memory, thoughts, emotions, and name bodily experiences:

and belief shifts. tension, breath changes, somatic impulses.

Goal: Reduce the distress and negative Release trapped trauma energy

beliefs linked to the trauma memory. in the body and restore nervous system

regulation, alongside cognitive healing.

Techniques Added: Follows 8 phases, May weave in grounding, titration, pendulation,

usually staying pretty structured. somatic resourcing, and more flexible tracking

of body experiences.

In Summary,

• Traditional EMDR works a lot from the "neck up" (memory, emotions, cognition).

• Somatic EMDR works from the "neck down, too" (nervous system, body sensations, instinctual survival responses).

Both can be very healing and effective— but with Somatic EMDR the process can be better paced, more body-centered, and more manageable to clients. It can be extra helpful for people whose trauma shows up physically (like chronic pain, dissociation, or deep anxiety without a clear "story"). Some clients feel safer with Somatic EMDR because it emphasizes going at the body’s pace and helps prevent overwhelm.

When might Somatic EMDR be especially recommended over traditional EMDR?

✅ Body Memories — physical sensations (pain, tightness, trembling) without clear verbal memories.
✅ Developmental Trauma — early life trauma (neglect, attachment wounds) where the nervous system got shaped over time, not just by one event.
✅ Chronic Health Conditions — like fibromyalgia, migraines, digestive issues linked to unresolved trauma.
✅ Easily Overwhelmed — intense emotions or body reactions that feel too big, too fast.
✅ No Clear Story — knowing you feel anxious, fearful, or "off," but not having clear memories to process.
✅ Need for Slow Pace — needing gentle, body-based tracking rather than diving deep into heavy memories right away.

“The Talk,” How To Tell A Potential Partner That You Have Herpes - Part 2

How to Disclose a Herpes Diagnosis as an opportunity for growth, connection and intimacy!

Having worked with people who have Herpes over the past few years, I understand the all-consuming concern about whether or not someone will ever have sex, relationships, and families, after the "life-changing gift" of Herpes. This fear seems to peak around having the dreaded “Talk," disclosing to potential partners – when and where, and what to say. In my online herpes support group for women, this is one of the biggest fears and skills that we dive into.

This is the 2nd blog on a 3 part series where I will be sharing the guideline that I have developed after reading a number of materials on the subject, participating in discussions with experts as well as clients and using my knowledge from my trauma-informed professional training. Keep in mind that these are just guidelines. Everyone is different and have different circumstances so I go into more detail in my trauma-informed individual therapy for people with herpes and the women’s online support group for herpes.

1. Approach it as a conversation about us both disclosing your STI status, not a confession.

The responsibility shouldn’t be just on you – you are vulnerable too! It’s important in every new relationship to know what each partner brings to the relationship when it comes to health risks. For instance, people who have herpes outbreaks are more susceptible to contracting HIV, another life-long infection, due to the facts that there are already small ruptures on their skin that make it easier for the HIV virus to get into the body.

Making the conversation a two-way street, being transparent and asking our potential partner to also share their STI status, builds trust, encourages open communication, balances the responsibility, and increases intimacy in the coming relationship!

2. Go into the conversation in a calm, confident and caring manner at a safe location for both of you.

Pick a neutral place. Maybe a park, the beach or another quiet place where you will have the privacy and the space to feel comfortable to talking about the topic. Don’t wait until you are in their home undressing to have sex to bring up the topic. It’s important for both of you to be clear-headed and able to make clear choices. It’s also best to give the person a day or two to digest the information but, keep in mind that, the minute you start talking they may tell you that they have herpes themselves or they know of someone who has it.

But if you do need to have “The Talk” and you start sobbing as if you had a life-threatening illness and were doomed for despair and rejection, they are likely to get scared. Your potential partner will pick up on your energy and the conversation will be led by emotion rather than information.

On the other hand, if you present the information in a way that helps them see it as a non-fatal and most often very manageable condition that will not impede your ability to live a healthy and fulfilling life, they will most likely see that too! Plus, you will convey that you care about their well-being and that you will do everything in your power to protect them.

A good way to start the conversation is to ask: "Have you ever had a cold sore?” or “I care about you and before we go any further, I want to talk to you about having safer sex (Safe sex doesn’t exist and the greatest proof of that is unplanned pregnancies.)” or “As we get to know each other better, I want to share something important and personal with you.”

Anyone who deserves your attention should be kind enough to appreciate your honesty and vulnerability and, if they choose not to continue to see you, it’s not a reflection of who you are. It’s a reflection of who they are. You are telling them that you carry a virus that almost 80% of the world population already has and you are breaking the stigma.

3. Be prepared to show them that you are knowledgeable about the topic; including, how to reduce the risk of transmission to them.

There will always be a risk that they will contract the virus, no matter how small it may be. In the same way that, there is a greater risk that we will get into a car accident anytime.

 But there are ways to help protect them and minimize that risk:

·        Disclosure is a factor in reducing transmission—we behave in response to awareness of the risks involved!

Daily suppressive antiviral therapy has been officially found to reduce the risk of transmission by about half.

·        Condom/barrier use has been officially found to reduce the risk by about 30%, with some studies, using specific demographics, reporting as high as a 50% reduction.

·        Abstaining from sex during symptoms adds another layer of protection, since we know we're contagious during these periods.

Taking all three steps together significantly reduces the risk and sharing this information reassures potential partners that you are knowledgeable about that issue and more aware of our own and of their sexual health.

To be continued next week….

If you, or someone you know have been affected by herpes and is looking for support and guidance; you found the right place. I offer both in-person and online trauma-informed individual therapy for people struggling with herpes and online herpes support groups for women.

Contact me today for a FREE 15-minute phone consultation at: (858) 842-0234 or email me at: miriam@miriamchorfreitas.com I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

“The Talk,” How to Tell a Potential Partner that You Have Herpes - Part 1

How to Disclose a Herpes Diagnosis as an opportunity for self-care, growth and connection!

Having worked with people who have Herpes over the past few years, I understand the all-consuming concern about whether or not someone will ever have sex, relationships, and families, after the "life-changing gift" of Herpes. This fear seems to peak around having the dreaded “Talk," disclosing to potential partners – when and where, and what to say.

Over the next 3 weeks I will be sharing the guideline that I have developed after reading a number of materials on the subject, participating in discussions with experts as well as clients and using my knowledge from my trauma-informed professional training. Keep in mind that these are just guidelines. Everyone is different and have different circumstances so I go into more detail in my trauma-informed individual therapy for people with herpes and the women’s online support group for herpes.

1.    Don't disclose on the first date, unless you are planning on kissing or having sex with someone.* It’s usually best to wait until around the third date.

Disclosing right away often invites potential partners to focus on the virus as opposed to focusing on you. Also, remember that you are the sum of your parts, and that they are not going to know that unless we give them a chance to find out.  

I would rather have you focus on getting to know each other before sharing your STI status. Notice that I mean “your” as in BOTH OF YOUR STI status. Don’t forget that most people who have Herpes don’t even know that they have it so you may not be the only one with a positive status. 

In addition to that, what if it turns out that that potential partner doesn't have any potential after all? What if the chemistry turns out to be missing? What if there is no compatibility? Then, you just revealed something very personal to someone with whom you don't even see a future with. You get to choose too!

*I will discuss that next…

2.  Why disclosing before kissing if oral herpes is so common or if you know that you have genital herpes?

•  You are building trust with this person.

• You are showing that you care about your health and their health.

•  You know that sooner or later that will need to become a topic of conversation so you are modeling open and honest communication.

• Last, but not least, you are challenging the herpes stigma

3.  Have “The Talk” in person.

In a world where we are constantly bombarded by emails, texts, and social media, being able to communicate in person is becoming a rarity and we losing our ability to fully express ourselves in conversation. Not only this is a strength that will empower you in any relationship; but it will also speak to your character and willingness to address delicate matters with confidence and self-awareness.

Having “The Talk” in person also gives you both the chance to have each other’s full-attention and the ability to read each other's body language, which can give people a lot of information that is missed in text and on the phone.  It allows you to have more open and organic discussions that lead to more intimacy.

To be continued next week….on Part 2

If you, or someone you know have been affected by genital herpes and is looking for support and guidance; you found the right place. I offer both in-person and online trauma-informed individual therapy for people struggling with herpes and an online herpes support groups for women.

1. Contact me today for a FREE 20-minute phone consultation at: (858) 842-0234 or email me at: miriam@miriamchorfreitas.com I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

The Reality And The Myths Of Genital Herpes

Common Myths About Genital Herpes:

1. Only people who are promiscuous and irresponsible catch genital herpes so if I practice safer sex in a monogamous relationship, I won’t catch it.

2. Everyone will be afraid of getting intimate with me and I will never have a normal sex life again because I will have genital herpes outbreaks all the time.

3. Most people who have herpes lie to their partners because they are afraid of the stigma.

The Reality About Genital Herpes:

1. At least 1 in every 8 people between ages 14 and 49 have genital herpes in the United States today and the risk goes up as we get older (CDC statistics, 2022). Plus, according to the World Health Organization, an estimated 491 million people aged 15-49 (13%) worldwide carry the herpes virus that is most often associated with genital herpes (HSV2) and 67% of the world population carry the virus that is most often associated with oral herpes (HSV1) but can also cause genital herpes through oral sex (WHO, 2023).

2. Most people don’t even know that they have genital herpes because the great majority of people either have so mild symptoms that they mistake them for something else or they don’t even experience any symptoms at all. Also, when people do have symptoms, they are usually very treatable and won’t keep you from having a healthy and fulfilling life…INCLUDING a sex life!

3. Herpes doesn't define you, your morals or your values. The stigma is a real problem, often times, worse than the infection itself. However, if we all knew the facts and talked about sex more openly and honestly as a society, we would be more willing to focus on prevention, ALL sexually transmitted infection rates would go down and we would be less likely to judge and make assumptions about other people’s sexual behavior. You are an unique individual with singular qualities that only you can offer.

So what’s the takeaway? Genital herpes is a very common sexually transmitted infection that rarely causes any medical complications but can cause significant emotional distress or even trauma due to the stigma fueled by fear and ignorance surrounding sexual health.

If you, or someone you know have been affected by genital herpes and is looking for support and guidance; you found the right place. I offer both in-person and online trauma-informed individual therapy for people struggling with herpes and an online herpes support groups for women.

Contact me today for a FREE 20-minute phone consultation at: (858) 842-0234 or email me at: miriam@miriamchorfreitas.com I’m looking forward to hearing from you!