Somatic EMDR for Complex Trauma: A Nervous System–Informed Therapy Approach

Why Healing Can Feel So Hard

Many people try to heal complex trauma through insight alone — understanding why things happened, or telling themselves to “think differently.” While insight can be helpful, complex trauma is not just stored in thoughts. It also lives in the body and nervous system.

Healing from complex trauma often requires more than insight. Somatic EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) works directly with the nervous system to support deeper, more integrated healing.

How Somatic EMDR Works with the Nervous System

Somatic EMDR helps us understand and work with nervous system patterns in a more embodied way.

Imagine your nervous system as a car:

• The gas pedal represents your fight-or-flight system (anxiety, hypervigilance, activation)

• The brakes represent your freeze or shutdown system (numbness, exhaustion, dissociation)

For many people with complex trauma, the system gets stuck in extremes:

• Sometimes the gas pedal is pressed down — you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or unable to relax

• Other times the brakes take over — you feel frozen, disconnected, or depleted

And often, the system shifts quickly between these states.

Healing involves learning how to gently regulate the system so you can move toward a more steady, grounded state—rather than swinging between overwhelm and shutdown.

This is why trauma healing often includes:

• creating a sense of safety

• building nervous system regulation

• slowing down the process

• learning to notice and respond to internal cues

Healing is not about forcing change. It’s about creating enough safety for the nervous system to soften.

What Healing from Complex Trauma Really Looks Like

Healing complex trauma is not linear. There are moments of relief, moments of grief, and moments where old patterns resurface.

This doesn’t mean you’re going backwards — it means your system is processing and learning.

Healing often includes:

• trauma-informed therapy that works with the body and nervous system

• learning tools for grounding and emotional regulation

• rebuilding a sense of trust — within yourself and in relationships

• developing self-compassion instead of self-judgment

• moving at a pace that respects your system

A Somatic EMDR–Informed Approach to Therapy

In my practice, I use an integrative approach where Somatic EMDR is central. This includes:

• Somatic EMDR — integrating EMDR with body-based and nervous system–informed therapy to process trauma safely, especially when trauma is complex or long-standing

• Parts work and inner family approaches — supporting and understanding different aspects of your experience

• Mind-body practices — including meditation, mindfulness, and breathwork to support regulation

• A relational, attuned, and non-judgmental space for healing

For those seeking additional support, I also offer a trauma survivor support group to foster connection, safety, and community.

Learn more about trauma-informed therapy
Learn more about Somatic EMDR

A Gentle Grounding Practice

If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, you might try this:

• Place your hands over the center of your chest

• Inhale slowly through your nose

• Exhale gently through your mouth

• Notice the sensation of your breath and the contact of your hands

See if there is even a small shift in your body, thoughts, or emotional state.

A Message of Hope

Living with complex trauma can feel like carrying invisible wounds — but healing is possible.

Not by erasing the past, but by building a present that feels safer, more grounded, and more connected.

Your reactions make sense.
Your survival was intelligent.
And your healing deserves patience and care.

Ready for Support?

If you’re ready for support, I offer Somatic EMDR and trauma-informed therapy for adults in San Diego and online across California.

I also provide EMDR consultation for therapists seeking deeper clarity and confidence when working with complex trauma.

Start therapy
Learn about EMDR consultation for therapists

You are not too much.
You are not behind.
And you are not alone.

Choose what feels right for you:

What is Somatic EMDR?

Somatic EMDR, is a new therapeutic approach that combines two powerful therapy modalities:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which helps people reprocess traumatic memories and resolve traumatization by stimulating bilateral brain activity (like side-to-side eye movements, tapping, or sounds).

• Somatic Therapy, which focuses on the body's felt sense — meaning the sensations, tension, movements, and energy in the body — to help release trauma that's "stored" physically, not just cognitively.

When you combine them, Somatic EMDR helps a client not just think about a traumatic memory but feel and reprocess the body responses to it.

So how it looks in practice?

• Before diving into heavy memories, a therapist might help the client build somatic resources (like grounding, noticing safety cues, or orienting in the present moment).

• During reprocessing, instead of focusing solely on the memory, the client might track what's happening inside their body — for example, a tightness in the chest, a sense of heat, or a trembling.

• The therapist may use bilateral stimulation while gently guiding the client to stay present with body sensations, allowing trauma energy stuck in the body to move and resolve.

Why it's important?
Trauma often bypasses words. The body holds reactions even when the mind "forgets."
Somatic EMDR brings healing to both mind and body.

How is somatic emdr different from traditional emdr?

Traditional EMDR Somatic EMDR

Main Focus: Primarily on cognitive memories: Focuses on both the cognitive memories and the

thoughts, images, beliefs, emotions linked body’s sensations and movements during to the trauma. processing.

Processing Style: Targets memories by Actively tracks what the body feels and does

activating them and using bilateral (tightness, shaking, numbness)

stimulation (like eye movements) to alongside memory processing.

process distress.

Client Awareness: Mostly asked about Client is also encouraged to notice

the memory, thoughts, emotions, and name bodily experiences:

and belief shifts. tension, breath changes, somatic impulses.

Goal: Reduce the distress and negative Release trapped trauma energy

beliefs linked to the trauma memory. in the body and restore nervous system

regulation, alongside cognitive healing.

Techniques Added: Follows 8 phases, May weave in grounding, titration, pendulation,

usually staying pretty structured. somatic resourcing, and more flexible tracking

of body experiences.

In Summary,

• Traditional EMDR works a lot from the "neck up" (memory, emotions, cognition).

• Somatic EMDR works from the "neck down, too" (nervous system, body sensations, instinctual survival responses).

Both can be very healing and effective— but with Somatic EMDR the process can be better paced, more body-centered, and more manageable to clients. It can be extra helpful for people whose trauma shows up physically (like chronic pain, dissociation, or deep anxiety without a clear "story"). Some clients feel safer with Somatic EMDR because it emphasizes going at the body’s pace and helps prevent overwhelm.

When might Somatic EMDR be especially recommended over traditional EMDR?

✅ Body Memories — physical sensations (pain, tightness, trembling) without clear verbal memories.
✅ Developmental Trauma — early life trauma (neglect, attachment wounds) where the nervous system got shaped over time, not just by one event.
✅ Chronic Health Conditions — like fibromyalgia, migraines, digestive issues linked to unresolved trauma.
✅ Easily Overwhelmed — intense emotions or body reactions that feel too big, too fast.
✅ No Clear Story — knowing you feel anxious, fearful, or "off," but not having clear memories to process.
✅ Need for Slow Pace — needing gentle, body-based tracking rather than diving deep into heavy memories right away.

“The Talk,” How To Tell A Potential Partner That You Have Herpes - Part 2

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to go through this alone.

I offer a small, confidential Online Herpes Support Groups for Women focused on stigma, dating, disclosure, and emotional healing.

👉 Now enrolling — group begins Tuesday, March 31 (limited spots)
👉Email or Call to Schedule a Free Intake Call before Tuesday

Common Myths About Genital Herpes:

Having worked with people who have Herpes over the past few years, I understand the all-consuming concern about whether or not someone will ever have sex, relationships, and families, after the "life-changing gift" of Herpes. This fear seems to peak around having the dreaded “Talk," disclosing to potential partners – when and where, and what to say. In my online Online Herpes Support Groups for Women, this is one of the biggest fears and skills that we dive into.

This is the 2nd blog on a 3 part series where I will be sharing the guideline that I have developed after reading a number of materials on the subject, participating in discussions with experts as well as clients and using my knowledge from my trauma-informed professional training. Keep in mind that these are just guidelines. Everyone is different and have different circumstances so I go into more detail in my trauma-informed Herpes Individual Coaching and the women’s online support group for herpes.

1. Approach it as a conversation about us both disclosing your STI status, not a confession.

The responsibility shouldn’t be just on you – you are vulnerable too! It’s important in every new relationship to know what each partner brings to the relationship when it comes to health risks. For instance, people who have herpes outbreaks are more susceptible to contracting HIV, another life-long infection, due to the facts that there are already small ruptures on their skin that make it easier for the HIV virus to get into the body.

Making the conversation a two-way street, being transparent and asking our potential partner to also share their STI status, builds trust, encourages open communication, balances the responsibility, and increases intimacy in the coming relationship!

2. Go into the conversation in a calm, confident and caring manner at a safe location for both of you.

Pick a neutral place. Maybe a park, the beach or another quiet place where you will have the privacy and the space to feel comfortable to talking about the topic. Don’t wait until you are in their home undressing to have sex to bring up the topic. It’s important for both of you to be clear-headed and able to make clear choices. It’s also best to give the person a day or two to digest the information but, keep in mind that, the minute you start talking they may tell you that they have herpes themselves or they know of someone who has it.

But if you do need to have “The Talk” and you start sobbing as if you had a life-threatening illness and were doomed for despair and rejection, they are likely to get scared. Your potential partner will pick up on your energy and the conversation will be led by emotion rather than information.

On the other hand, if you present the information in a way that helps them see it as a non-fatal and most often very manageable condition that will not impede your ability to live a healthy and fulfilling life, they will most likely see that too! Plus, you will convey that you care about their well-being and that you will do everything in your power to protect them.

A good way to start the conversation is to ask: "Have you ever had a cold sore?” or “I care about you and before we go any further, I want to talk to you about having safer sex (Safe sex doesn’t exist and the greatest proof of that is unplanned pregnancies.)” or “As we get to know each other better, I want to share something important and personal with you.”

Anyone who deserves your attention should be kind enough to appreciate your honesty and vulnerability and, if they choose not to continue to see you, it’s not a reflection of who you are. It’s a reflection of who they are. You are telling them that you carry a virus that almost 80% of the world population already has and you are breaking the stigma.

3. Be prepared to show them that you are knowledgeable about the topic; including, how to reduce the risk of transmission to them.

There will always be a risk that they will contract the virus, no matter how small it may be. In the same way that, there is a greater risk that we will get into a car accident anytime.

 But there are ways to help protect them and minimize that risk:

·        Disclosure is a factor in reducing transmission—we behave in response to awareness of the risks involved!

‍ ‍Daily suppressive antiviral therapy has been officially found to reduce the risk of transmission by about half.

·        Condom/barrier use has been officially found to reduce the risk by about 30%, with some studies, using specific demographics, reporting as high as a 50% reduction.

·        Abstaining from sex during symptoms adds another layer of protection, since we know we're contagious during these periods.

Taking all three steps together significantly reduces the risk and sharing this information reassures potential partners that you are knowledgeable about that issue and more aware of our own and of their sexual health.

To be continued….

How to Disclose a Herpes Diagnosis as an opportunity for growth, connection and intimacy!

How to Tell a Partner You Have Herpes (HSV) — “The Talk” Guide

How to Disclose a Herpes Diagnosis as an opportunity for self-care, growth and connection!

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to go through this alone.

I offer a small, confidential Online Herpes Support Groups for Women focused on stigma, dating, disclosure, and emotional healing.

👉 Now enrolling — group begins Tuesday, May 2026 (limited spots)
👉 Email or Call Me to Schedule a Free Intake Call

Having worked with people who have Herpes over the past few years, I understand the all-consuming concern about whether or not someone will ever have sex, relationships, and families, after the "life-changing gift" of Herpes. This fear seems to peak around having the dreaded “Talk," disclosing to potential partners – when and where, and what to say.

Over the next 3 weeks I will be sharing the guideline that I have developed after reading a number of materials on the subject, participating in discussions with experts as well as clients and using my knowledge from my trauma-informed professional training. Keep in mind that these are just guidelines. Everyone is different and have different circumstances so I go into more detail in my trauma-informed Herpes Management Coaching and the Online Herpes Support Groups for Women.

1.    Don't disclose on the first date, unless you are planning on kissing or having sex with someone.* It’s usually best to wait until around the third date.

Disclosing right away often invites potential partners to focus on the virus as opposed to focusing on you. Also, remember that you are the sum of your parts, and that they are not going to know that unless we give them a chance to find out.  

I would rather have you focus on getting to know each other before sharing your STI status. Notice that I mean “your” as in BOTH OF YOUR STI status. Don’t forget that most people who have Herpes don’t even know that they have it so you may not be the only one with a positive status. 

In addition to that, what if it turns out that that potential partner doesn't have any potential after all? What if the chemistry turns out to be missing? What if there is no compatibility? Then, you just revealed something very personal to someone with whom you don't even see a future with. You get to choose too!

*I will discuss that next…

2. Why disclosing before kissing if oral herpes is so common or if you know that you have genital herpes?

•  You are building trust with this person.

• You are showing that you care about your health and their health.

•  You know that sooner or later that will need to become a topic of conversation so you are modeling open and honest communication.

• Last, but not least, you are challenging the herpes stigma

3.  Have “The Talk” in person.

In a world where we are constantly bombarded by emails, texts, and social media, being able to communicate in person is becoming a rarity and we losing our ability to fully express ourselves in conversation. Not only this is a strength that will empower you in any relationship; but it will also speak to your character and willingness to address delicate matters with confidence and self-awareness.

Having “The Talk” in person also gives you both the chance to have each other’s full-attention and the ability to read each other's body language, which can give people a lot of information that is missed in text and on the phone.  It allows you to have more open and organic discussions that lead to more intimacy.

To be continued on…. Part 2

If you, or someone you know have been affected by genital herpes and is looking for support and guidance; you found the right place. I offer both in-person and online trauma-informed individual therapy and coaching for people struggling with herpes and an online herpes support groups for women.

1. Contact me today for a FREE 20-minute phone consultation at: (858) 842-0234or email me at: miriam@miriamchorfreitas.comI’m looking forward to hearing from you!

What Is Trauma? Understanding Trauma and Effective Trauma-Informed Care

Trauma is a word we hear often, but many people are left wondering what it really means—and why its effects can feel so lasting.

At its core, trauma is not just about what happened. It’s about how the nervous system responds to an experience that feels overwhelming, threatening, or too much to process at the time.

When something exceeds our capacity to cope, the nervous system shifts into survival mode. This can affect how we think, feel, relate to others, and experience our bodies—sometimes long after the original event has passed.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is any experience that overwhelms the nervous system and disrupts our sense of safety.

This includes not only major events, but also ongoing or relational experiences such as chronic stress, attachment wounds, or emotional neglect.

The nervous system is made up of the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord) and the peripheral nervous system (the network of nerves throughout the body). When we experience something overwhelming, this system is impacted as it tries to protect us and ensure survival.

We all have a natural ability to process and integrate life experiences. But when something is too intense or happens too quickly, that natural process can become interrupted.

Instead of being fully processed, the experience can remain “held” in the body and nervous system.

Over time, this can show up as:

• Anxiety or persistent worry

• Depression or emotional numbness

• Guilt or shame

• Difficulty in relationships

• Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected

• Challenges with trust, safety, or self-worth

When these patterns persist, they may be understood as post-traumatic stress (PTSD) or complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

What Is Effective Trauma-Informed Care?

Healing from trauma is not just about understanding what happened—it’s about helping the nervous system feel safe enough to process what was too much before.

Effective trauma-informed care takes a holistic approach, recognizing that trauma impacts:

• Thoughts

• Emotions

• The body and nervous system

Traditional talk therapy can be helpful, but often focuses primarily on thoughts and feelings. Trauma, however, also lives in the body—through patterns of tension, activation, and shutdown.

This is why approaches that include the body and nervous system are essential.

A Nervous System–Informed Approach to Healing

When therapy includes the body, we begin to work with the deeper layers of how trauma is stored and experienced.

Approaches such as Somatic EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) integrate EMDR with body-based and nervous system–informed awareness, allowing for a more complete and grounded healing process.

Rather than reliving the experience, the focus is on helping the nervous system stay within what is often called the “window of tolerance.”

This is the space where we are able to stay present, feel what arises, and process experiences without becoming flooded or shutting down.

From this place, healing becomes more integrated, more sustainable, and more aligned with the body’s natural capacity to recover.

Somatic EMDR for Trauma

Somatic EMDR helps the brain and body reprocess traumatic experiences so they no longer feel as overwhelming or disruptive.

By integrating EMDR with somatic and nervous system–informed approaches, this work supports:

• Greater emotional regulation

• Increased sense of safety in the body

• Reduced overwhelm during processing

• More flexibility and resilience in daily life

This approach can be especially helpful for complex trauma, attachment wounds, and experiences that feel deeply rooted or difficult to access through words alone.

EMDR Consultation for Therapists Working with Trauma

Working with trauma—especially complex trauma and dissociation—can bring moments where therapists feel uncertain, stuck, or in need of additional support.

EMDR consultation for therapists offers a space to deepen clinical understanding, build confidence, and receive guidance while working toward EMDRIA certification hours.

My consultation approach is rooted in Somatic EMDR, integrating EMDR with nervous system–informed and body-based perspectives. This supports therapists in working within the window of tolerance and navigating more complex presentations with clarity and care.

If you’re an EMDR therapist seeking clinical consultation hours, you can learn more about it here:
EMDR Consultation for Therapists

A Message of Hope

Healing from trauma is possible.

Not by forcing ourselves to “move on,” but by creating the conditions where the body and nervous system can finally feel safe enough to process what was once overwhelming.

Your responses make sense.
Your nervous system has been trying to protect you.
And with the right support, healing can unfold in a way that feels grounded, compassionate, and sustainable.

This article is informed by trauma-informed, somatic, and EMDR-based approaches, including Somatic EMDR and nervous system–informed models of healing and integration.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re looking for support, I offer trauma-informed therapy for adults in San Diego and online across California, integrating Somatic EMDR, somatic approaches, and mindfulness-based practices.

If you’re a therapist seeking EMDR consultation or working toward certification, I also offer individual and group consultation.